Cake in the Time of Cholera

Google Maps recommended 12 minutes; I gave myself 30, after all, I was only traveling two miles down Route 66, Exit 71 to Exit 69.  But as I barreled down the on-ramp, the VDOT sign read “Expect Delays Exit 71 to 69.” Seriously?

Meanwhile, my friend Lisa stood in the vestibule of Columbia Baptist Church, embarrassingly awaiting my arrival.  The ushers went from wondering when I would be arriving to wondering if I would be arriving.  Lisa spotted me, tattered and torn, sprinting through the parking lot, hurtling over shrubs, just as the ushers were asking her if she would rather wait until after the formal seating of the wedding party.  So you could look at it in two ways.  I was either the absolute last person to arrive at the wedding, or the first person to proceed in with the wedding party…I have always been the optimist.  And all of this for a ceremony that was over in under 22 minutes!

Knowing only the bride and each other, we honed in on the open bar immediately upon arriving at the reception, like two honey bees flocking to the smell of sweet nectar.  After a cocktail and some bacon encrusted scallions, we settled in at our table.

What we learned about our new acquaintances during dinner at our table for seven (eight if you include the fetus Jill brought along with her):

Mary-Anna: A walking contradiction, she wore an engagement ring, but was not, in fact, engaged.  Deceit?

Justin and Laura: Recent graduates of CNU and happily married for as long as I have been working.  Gender roles are a hit in this household.  Before they were engaged, Justin dined on refined Voila! frozen dinners but now he thankfully has Laura to cook for him.

Jill and Oran: My personal favorites.  Also recent college graduates and happily married.  Jill has been married and pregnant for as long as I have been working.  Shotgun wedding?  After their wedding reception, Jill thought it prudent to open every wedding gift because she couldn’t handle the suspense.  (I wanted to inform her that she could have saved her and her husband a lot of time if she just looked at her registry).  After opening all of their presents, they were hungry and went to get late night food at Chili’s.  If Chili’s took priority over consummation on night one of their marriage, I couldn’t help but wonder WTF?

My conlusion: We may be the same age, but we are not on the same page.

After a fine helping of filet and jumbo shrimp served with savory mashed potatoes and grilled vegetables , Lisa and I excused ourselves before cake to use the restrooms.  On our return trip to the table, five minutes later, we crossed with Mary-Anna, donning her jacket and purse, making an escape toward the door.  She informed us that she was heading out, and that we would have the table all to ourselves.  (Read: She wished we had taken six minutes instead of five to permit a smooth get-away. She wasn't as fast as Justin and Luara, Orin and Jill, who had already exited stage left)  How discourteous.  At least they could have stayed for the cake.

Looking on the bright side, when the cake was served at our table, Lisa and I each got three slices.