Government, Where Art Thou?

A few months back, I made the big leap in the world of government contracting – actually moving to the client site. Maybe I’m just using this logic as justification for me sitting in my window office back at my firm’s tertiary campus, but the company usually incubates the recent college graduates grooming the malnourished, providing us with enough Kool-Aid to create a horde of myrmidons and loyally espouse the firm’s values. Well, with this exciting change, I got a first-hand glimpse into the workings of our federal government.

First up, Building Access: In order to obtain the building access card, I needed to report to the third floor and present two forms of government issued identification, one of which must be a photo ID. There was only one problem. In order to get to the third floor of the building, I had to first get through Security in the lobby; signing in as a visitor vice pulling off Mission Impossible IV. As a visitor, Security gives you a visitor badge in exchange for one government issued photo ID. Catch-22. Now that I am inside the building, I no longer have the necessary government issued identification to show to the third-floor building access card folks. Obama, you lie. You told me I only needed one photo ID. I needed two. That’s socialism if I’ve ever seen it.

Once I finally received building access it was time to gain network access: When registering for my online government account, I was prompted to answer a security question in the event that I forgot my password. Standard procedure, right? Think again, it’s the federal government. What is your favorite dog name? Please select from the following: Bella, Coco, Ginger, Poppy, Shannon, Bandit, Dallas, Jack, Prince, Spike, Boomer, Freckles, Holly, Princess, Tawny, Chico, Fluffy, Otis, Scout, and Wags. My stream of conscience:

A. WTF?

B. Bella was probably included so this question could meet certain anti-discrimination policies now that Twilight has given vampires equal rights.

C. Who has ever known a dog that responded to any of those names?

D. Even if I select my favorite dog name now…what are the odds that I’ll be able to successfully select the same favorite dog name the next time I’m faced answering this question?

E. What was wrong with What is your mother’s maiden name? I guess this discriminates against orphans?

F. How about In what city were you born? This question must be equal opportunity – everyone was born somewhere.

Disclaimer: This isn’t a complaint. It’s just that I’ve always been told to think critically and ask questions, no, not questions like What is your favorite dog name?