Monday, April 11, 2011

Meals on Wheels

A few years back, I remember seeing a news clip highlighting the grocery store of the American future, Japanese present. The general concept behind this alternative grocer was that a shopper arrives and sits down in a private unit that automatically navigates the patron along the fixed track through the aisles of delight. My initial thought was that the concept was heaven for the lazy consumer, hell for the spontaneous shopper who, upon seeing the hot dogs, decided to have a cookout only to realize the hot dog buns were in Aisle 1, ketchup and mustard in Aisle 2. History will note that the slow-motion-roller-coaster-shopping phenomenon failed to gain traction in the United States, as Americans opted instead for the Flight of the Hippogriff at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Theme Park.

Well, it turns out that Japan wasn’t the first to adopt this cloud-cuckoo-land behavior. I’m convinced that the concept was simply trying to commercialize the Ghanaian shopping experience. Every major (and most minor) artery in Accra is clogged with street vendors. And any time a vehicle comes to a stop, transit-goers are immediately propositioned by the plethora of hawkers. Over time, my perception has changed far along the inefficiency-efficiency continuum; from thinking these street-clogging hawkers were the cause of traffic to realizing they were actually enabling me to multitask and complete all shopping needs without ever having to leave my taxi.

I’ve been amazed at the amount of roadworthy merchandise. From fresh fruit to pure water; toilet paper to DVDs; hammers to livestock. The street vendors have more than a WalMart Supercenter. But what might be more spectacular than the smorgasbord of obtainables is that the vendors are able to withstand the chronic open-sauna. If I stand outside, I’m usually perspiring within one minute; after one-minute and I’m a water fountain.

Recently, the convenient backseat shopping experience has been called into question by the Accra Metropolitan Authority. This authority just passed legislation making it illegal to purchase from a street vendor unless the street has been designated for that purpose. How these vendors will adapt to the new regulation and how I shop in the future is all in question. I guess if I want to shop while sitting, I’ll have to travel to Japan…Oh, who am I kidding. I’ll probably be at Filch’s Emporium of Confiscated Goods.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

After living in Accra for nearly eight months, I finally received some answers. Why did the chicken cross the road? And this time I wasn’t looking for a punny answer to a trite riddle.

I’ve always been rather fascinated by the logistics and mystery of the livestock industry in Ghana. Walking around the streets of Accra, it’s very common to see an abundance of poultry and livestock living out their day-to-day lives. With so many chickens and goats promenading about, any pedestrian is bound to stumble upon them.

After discussing with some of my local friends, I have determined that the system works quite efficiently. Let’s hypothetically say I have some chickens. I’m comfortable letting my chickens roam free snatching up scraps along the streets because it minimizes my biddy maintenance. I am also confident that my chickens will come home to roost each night, as the saying goes. Let's run through some additional scenarios. So how do I know if one of those roadside chicks is mine? Actually, this is quite simple. Apparently, somewhere in the Bible (Matthew 23:37), Jesus uses the reference as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings. Dating back at least to Biblical times, newborn chicks have been led home by the mother. But how does the new chick know that this is its roost? Also simple. When a chick arrives, you just tie it up for one week until it’s conditioned to its new surroundings.

What happens if the chicken doesn’t come home? Again, simple. Tragic death by motor vehicle. But how do you know that nobody stole the chicken? Enter honor code (or the law). It is illegal to steal a chicken from the roadside, punishable by six months in prison. The consequences are even worse for goats. Pilfer a goat, and you’re looking at two years.

To the best of my knowledge, there is no legal consequence for snatching a pig. Mission Bacon: Accepted.