Swindle Me This

The other evening, I was dining with an assembly of friends, enjoying my oven baked pizza, salami with fresh mozzarella and grana cheeses, and a sprinkling of grilled peppers, while making pleasant table conversation. Around the time the bill arrived, the conversation transitioned from politics jabber to credit card fraudulence.

Coincidentally, Molly, Kyle and I had all fallen victim to credit card fraud in the past few months. The fact that so many of us have become wounded soldiers in this hustle led me to believe that these thieves were becoming collectively more intelligent and furtive. But the deceitful charges led me to believe the contrary.

Exhibit A: Molly’s identity thief used her American Express card to make a $5 donation to the March of Dimes. While a thoughtful gesture, it is egregiously impractical; committing a felony without any personal payoff. Maybe this lack of practicality when it comes to personal finances is what landed you in need of this knavery in the first place. My personal belief is if you are desperate enough to need to surreptitiously borrow from someone else’s bank account, you’re not really in the position to be giving.

Exhibit B: When I called Wells Fargo to ask why all of my attempted charges were being denied, I was informed of the temporary hold they had placed on my card was a result of suspicious charges. Did you make an $8 charge for breast milk in Detroit, Michigan? This opened the floodgates for the litany of questions running through my head. Do you think I charged $8 for breast milk? You can actually buy breast milk? How much breast milk does $8 buy?

It appears that we’ve entered the age of the Skittish Swindler. What ever happened to the precept Go big or go home? I guess it’s been supplanted by Go big or March home and feed your baby.