One day I expect to have perfected the art of weddings much like Owen Wilson and Vince Vaugh demonstrated, but for now I’m working on just meeting the minimum requirements, such as bringing a gift and showing up (which may be harder than it appears….I accidentally missed my cousin’s wedding because I opted to stay an extra day at beach week and poorly calculated the amount of time it would take me to drive from Myrtle Beach to New Jersey…I made it back just in time for the reception). So I am putting my ability to the test this week. On Saturday I will be attending the union of Katie Sparks and Timothy Wacek – my first friend’s wedding.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m a novice wedding-goer. I have attended plenty of weddings in the past. But in all previous weddings, I have been cast as the lazy child who let’s his parents handle the wedding preparations. Attending a friend’s wedding brings its pros and cons. Pro: I won’t be subjected to dancing the polka with my Aunt Dot. Con: I’m obliged to find the idyllic cutlery or home décor that will forever symbolize my joy with the couple’s union until death do they part.
So I decided to tackle the gift buying first. I searched the online registry at Bed Bath & Beyond and settled on a nice four piece place setting, inclusive of dinner and salad plates, a cereal bowl and sizable mug. And, not having the nerves to go it alone, I convinced my friend Megha to join me.
When we arrived at the Pentagon City Bed Bath & Beyond, we found our way to the registry area. The kind lady asked us if we wanted to register. How thoughtful…Megha and I getting married? If only she knew. Although, looking back on it, I’m not morally opposed to the idea. After seeing all the free stuff you can get, I’m planning on registering for everything. For the next party we host, I think we’ll register. In addition to the normal locations, we’ll register with the ABC, and call it an open bar party.
Anyway, she printed off the registry and indicated that just about nothing was available for purchase in store; almost everything remaining (including my four piece place setting) could be ordered online. Of course, because I procrastinated, there was also no way to guarantee that the order would arrive in time for the wedding. And I certainly didn’t want to go one for two on my self-imposed wedding requirements. So that left me with scooping up some of the handy trinkets (read: gifts nobody else had snatched up yet because they were, in fact, utterly worthless) available for in-store purchase. Among the top contenders were splatter screens, a deluxe ironing board cover, a bamboo cotton swab jar, and a soda shooter. After much discussion, I settled on a set of ambrosia placemats and napkins in combination with a glass sauce bowl with ladle. The picture on the ladle box indicated that the owner might find utility in serving peach punch from the glass sauce bowl, however the on-site display clearly disproved this as false advertising.
Hey, at least I didn’t have to resort to the splatter screen or soda shooter.
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