My friend Ellen has an obsession with Kings Dominion, an amusement park approximately 90 miles south of Washington. I also love amusement parks, and having fruitlessly tried to cajole my friends into going in on $10 Six Flags tickets, I was excited to have a partner in crime. Luckily for me, my employer graciously rented out the park two days before her birthday.
As the day approached, Ellen and I began acting like kids in a candy shop, GEICOed out with our googly eyes, preparing for our peregrination. I had asked Ellen to do some reconnaissance and map out a course across the park so we could optimize our efficiency.
We were some of the first to arrive at the park, and successfully navigated the labyrinth of Kings Dominion by lunchtime. I quickly ranked my roller coaster preference and cut from afternoon-contention all three wooden coasters. The verbs roll and coast do not appropriately describe the jerky travail and tribulation of these rattletraps.
After a hearty all-you-can-eat buffet, we decided to ride the ferris wheel before trying our luck on a stomach-turner. Apparently, great minds think alike, so avoiding the long line for the wheel, we tried our luck on the carousel. I tried to mask my identity while waiting in line, so nobody from my office would recognize me and question why a group of mature young professionals were riding the merry-go-round. Although the carousel can be far more aggressive than I thought, spotting a boy who thought he was riding a bucking bronco vice a character from My Little Pony.
Having overexerted ourselves in the park, we made our way home all tuckered out. I guess I’m officially an amusement park highbrow. Getting to ride the same roller coaster twice in a row because there is nobody in line? Don’t mind if I do.
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