Imma Let You Finish that 10 Miler

I recently took a step up from running the standard 5k to a more taxing 10k. The 10k, known as the Lawyers Have a Heart (aptly named? Bringing out the competitive nature of the DC law community – the race pits summer interns against paralegals in a fight to demonstrate who has the stronger cardiovascular system), was a complete culture shock. This weekend, I’m taking it to the next level and am running in the Army 10 Miler. In an attempt to better assimilate with the running crowd, I’m taking some extra precautions for the 10 Miler.

Lessons learned from the Lawyers Have a Heart 10k:

1. Custom: Apparently it is customary to be well hydrated before the race. It’s blasphemous to not use the public restroom facilities to demonstrate having properly over-hydrated. The line wrapped around the entire Georgetown waterfront and was literally thousands of lawyers long. Faux pas: No matter how much I wanted to participate in the camaraderie, I couldn’t bring myself to stand in line. Or maybe I just got stage fright. Corrective Action: I plan to purchase a 7-Eleven Big Gulp on my way to the race.

2. Custom: Most races are designed such that there comes a time when the frontrunners are heading inbound past the stragglers still headed outbound. At this point, it is tradition to audibly acknowledge their superiority while they speed past with no regard for these cat calls. Word choice is at the discretion of the runner. For example, the lady next to me simply yelled “Lady” every time a female passed. I’ve decided she was either sexist or keeping track of her position in the race, which couldn’t be good if she was running next to me. In summary, you’re either a frontrunner and silent or your slow and heckle. Faux pas: I picked slow and silent; mixing and matching is not permitted. Corrective Action: When I’m on the running trail, I’ve been practicing by cat calling and grunting to fellow runners as they approach. Based on their posturing, I don’t think they appreciate it.

Knowing my fortune, I’ll probably show up to the Army 10 Miler having mastered the culture of the 10K and find myself awash in a transoceanic culture, in which case, I hope at least someone will throw me a paddle.